Stay in the cave

For the last couple of weeks I’ve had this random phrase swirling around in my head, “Stay in the Cave.”

As I was walking and doing my devotional one day, and this phrase stuck out to me for some reason. Wasn’t really sure what it meant. But as my devotionals always go, my podcast and my meditation time reverberate phrases over and over again.

During this particular season in my life, I have built up 10 years worth of skills, multiple businesses, passive income streams and thousands of followers on multiple social media platforms.

My daughter is now in middle school math and my youngest is entering kindergarten. It would be very tempting for me to continue on this hustle mentality and work to strive to get more influence and more jobs.

The temptation to constantly make network connections and do meet ups with other professionals is my daily struggle. I have to constantly not sign up for things, constantly decide not to post, and constantly just be okay with my current stage.

I am constantly in a FOMO mentality when I see other artists having more followers, more creative connections or better brand deals than me. I see those that I have trained actually become more popular and paid more than me. I’ve seen companies that I’ve built up, now earn more money and could actually afford to pay me what I’m worth. I see people with my education, writing books and speaking all over the country.

Before, and people asked me what I did, I gave them the elevator speech for my business. Now, I just say “I’m homeschool mom and I help my husband run his business” and that usually makes me the black sheep of any party.

This has been another isolating time for me of staying at home, going to church, and working on our family business building tiny wagons and teaching.

After 10 years of learning photography, building up awards in multiple genres and traveling around the country to do weddings for all sorts of beautiful families and couples, I have to constantly turn down work and send people other associates to do work that I used to love.

I have to daily decide and choose to clean up throw up, wash dishes, clean my house and only take on projects that the Lord allows. It’s very humbling to go back into a cave-so-to speak.

I remember the first time I was in “the cave“ right after I decided to quit my first career at a nonprofit and stay home full-time with my daughter as a one year old. I was so isolated and broken- being stripped of my identity, my community and my purpose.

So I decided to pour myself into self education and create this business persona of myself- knowing so much about so many different things, building websites for companies that now make millions of dollars, making brands and working with clients from all over the country- I became what I always wanted- successful.

But then I started traveling a lot on weekends, staying up till three or four in the morning, I made bad health choices and gain 60 pounds over the course of three years.

Now, I am in this period of going to the gym daily, restricting my food and choices, being disciplined enough to turn off my phone and sleep between 8 hours a night. I had to take self-discipline choices in order to get my mental health and wellness back on track.

With that being said, I feel like I am in another process of development and growth.

But in the last year, after my husband left the ministry to pursue being self-employed, I felt like the Lord was giving me a nod to take less jobs, only have my social media for my personal recordkeeping and not for pursuing future work, and focus more on homeschooling.

It seems counterintuitive with our #buildinganempire mentality that circles around self-made entrepreneurs like myself.

It’s so easy for me to get in the workaholic mindset once again after over a year of detox and getting my house in order by daily walking with the Lord and seeking him before checking my phone or being obsessed with social media.

It is so tempting for me to do a Vlog about a particular helpful topic, sell my books, sell shirts or do a lot of different things during this time period of waiting and wishing for seasons to change.

But I kept feeling like this phrase “stay in the cave” kept repeating itself over and over in my mind.

As the Lord usually moves, and he gives me different sermons, songs and multiple things to reiterate the point that he’s trying to make.

This year, our family decided to go to Luray Caverns for our family vacation. Every day, we did a family devotional about a particular topic.

We talked about David, being anointed as king at a very young age, was sent to be a mere delivery boy to his older brothers. He was surprised by an enemy of God at the battlefield. But, he rose up with the spirit of God and defeated the giant. Did he become king and take the throne then? Absolutely not! He went right back to taking care of his sheep with no hesitation.

Then he was called upon to play music to the king of Israel- he had to sit in front of the throne that was rightfully his and humble himself enough to sing songs to the Lord and be a servant. Then he was invited at the King’s table.

After he got too close to the family, the king started throwing spears at him and threatened his very life. David could’ve called up some of his mighty men to take over the castle, but instead, he humbled himself yet again to go to caves and wait for God’s timing. He took his time in the cave to write songs of praise to God. He didn’t network, plan his way out of a cave or even scheme how he would kill the Lord’s anointed king. He just waited patiently.

Everything came together for me as we were walking through Luray Caverns. There are so many beautiful gems and crystals that come out of that cave- so many minerals and scientific improvements that have come out of the substances buried deep within the rock walls for thousands of years.

Precious stones can only be forged through time, darkness, obscurity and pressure. Diamonds aren’t created overnight.

If David had come into his kingship too early, things would’ve been even worse for him. I even argue that his choices with Bathsheba could’ve been avoided if he had “stayed in the cave” mentally- relying on God for everything, staying humble and having a servant’s heart in everything. But because he came out of the “cave” and decided to make his own decisions and choices, his entire kingdom was ripped apart.

If you feel like you are in “the cave” - rejoice, God is forging you, developing you and making you a precious stone.

When God does give you a platform, use it for his glory. But as soon as he asks you to step down from that platform, you better be ready to be humble, be a servant leader and listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit.

Kindness is taught

Kindness is taught over time.

It’s the late-night conversations. It’s the snuggles before bed.

It’s the sacrifice, the sweat, the tears, that goes into raising the next generation.

It’s the thousands of hours of working, helping the community, getting out of your comfort zone, serving others, relinquishing your comforts for others.

It’s the scar from falling and getting up. It’s the forgiveness when no one deserves. It’s the breath before getting angry.

It’s the little things- the holding of the door- the putting other’s first- the paying for coffee.

It’s the silence in grief- the hug of comfort- the food for the hungry.

It’s the living, breathing and pushing though the road is long and the days are short.

So teach kindness with your hands, your words and your life- plant a tree, pick up the trash, help someone- smile often, forgive frequently and make the world more beautiful Every. Single. Day.

Just Be.

written in 2016- by Christal Marshall- excerpt from her new upcoming memoir about Motherhood and faith “Demoted to Motherhood.”

Today I went to an outdoor hiking trail holding my new 3 week old son. All I did was listen to the birds and just observe everything that was going on in the world. Every day this week I have tried to walk to clear my mind and to think out loud about what I wanted my new vision and purpose for a new season in my business and my life.

The thing that really struck me was just how wild and tangled the forest was around me.

There were vines growing up trees.There was bamboo mixed in with other plants. The forest floor was covered with 26 different kinds of plants. Trees had fallen from previous storms and laying on either side of the path. There were vines hanging down below me. To the left into the right there was untamed wilderness. But right under my feet there was a clear walking path. A path that had been cleared from thousands of hikers exploring the same trails during the life of the park.

I noticed that the forest was a perfect, chaotic, beautiful mess.

All the wildlife and plants were perfectly suited to connect and interact with each other all at the same time being unique and untamed in the bigger picture of the wild forest.

This was a stark contrast of the houses across the street from the park. With their perfectly manicured gardens with topiaries shaped like little circles and little fish ponds.

They all had perfect Kentucky bluegrass cut exactly 6 inches high all around. There were no weeds, no dandelions, no wild buttercups, no winding vines, no random fallen limbs. On might say that they had a more beautiful garden than the chaotic forest across the road.

Sometimes I think that the pursuit of perfection might seem like trying to have a perfectly manicured garden.

Having a perfectly manicured garden is actually a struggle against nature-against what is already there. It's natural for weeds a pop up. It's natural for plants to get over the ground. It's natural for bugs to come. Why don't we work so hard to fight with already in nature?

Why do we fight for our lives to be perfectly manicured as well? Why don't we just embrace the wild, tangled, chaotic mess that makes life so beautiful and untamed?

God's world is a perfect example of things working together in a cacophony of harmony.

Nature is a perfect example of that. There's a million different trees, wildlife and species all in one place, but yet they all work together to create the forest.

I know this week is been hard for me mentally because I felt like I haven't had a purpose or drive. My two oldest have been on a Disney cruise with my mom so we can get our floors redone. My husband has been working hard, but for me with the baby- all we've been doing it seems, is just sitting around. I'm the kind of person that needs to stay busy all the time. As opposed to my husband- he's perfectly fine not having anything to do.

As I'm walking through the forest I began to notice that things are just doing what they are created to do.

Birds and squirrels don't worry about if they have a purpose. Trees don't worry if they grow in a certain direction and if they're growing the right fruit. They just exist. And in that existence they are serving the purpose and fulfilling the destiny that God made them to do. So as you go about your day, think about the forest. Your messy, wild, untamed life is beautiful just by existing. Don't try to fight the weeds in your life- don't try to have your garden perfectly manicured, so people don't see the mess.

Just be.